So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
