yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
