honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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