I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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