It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
