He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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