I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
