In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
