But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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