I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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