3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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