well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
