take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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