do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
