You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
