Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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