Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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