Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
