it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize