i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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