Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
