I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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