The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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