All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
