I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
