Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
