everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just invented taco cereal.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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