you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
