But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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