her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
