accomplished twins. life is a go
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
