No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
