There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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