hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize