just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
