I think I died a long time ago.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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