you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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