Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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