There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize