Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
