she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
