After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
