My nipple is on Facebook.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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