so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
