I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
