the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
