OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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