awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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