I wish my penis had an off switch
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
