This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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