Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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