It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
