If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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