what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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