You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
