why didn't you poke me back
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
