What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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