im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
