WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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