I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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