if you like me you must not know who I am
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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