No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My dick has a subreddit
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
