K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize