I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
