She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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