Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
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Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize