I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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