Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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