Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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