I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
