Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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