i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
