She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am mentally ready for anal.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
