I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
