How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
