his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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