Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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