I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
