Cold hands, warm shart.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
