You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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