thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
