I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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