i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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