so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
