I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
