About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize