he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This is the high leading the old right now
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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