just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
