Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it was like eating out sand paper
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
